Mommy Created Defiance Issue?

Defiant four year old boy scowling

Hello Everyone,

I am often asked about my process when working with families.  In response, I will be rolling out the Case Study Series. This series will provide a window into the services I am honored to provide children and families. While I am unable to go into extensive detail due to client privilege, each case will demonstrate the new possibilities I help create for each family.  There is no need to suffer alone. Reach out to me.

Case Study: Four Year Old Boy Exhibiting Defiant Behavior

  1. Displaying defiant behavior.
  2. Sass, tantrums or fits including crying, screaming and yelling when challenging limit setting.
  3. Issues at school and at home.

School’s assessment:

His defiant behavior was a result of permissive parenting. It was clear to the school’s director Mom and Dad were the cause of all his problems.

My assessment:

This four-year-old boy is exceptionally anxious as a result his responses are defense mechanisms. Mom and Dad are not at fault. They are parenting as best they can. His defiant behavior causes each adult to walk on eggshells most of the time. Both parents are trying to head off a major meltdown. This young family is dealing with challenging behaviors, so often the parents and the child are unable to enjoy life’s simplest pleasures.

As a result of our Exploratory Call, we embarked on a life-changing collaboration.

Our work began.

Their child enchanted me.
The puzzle enthralled me.

What was the source of the rigidity? The anxiety was evident to me. Why wasn’t it on the school’s radar? Every pushback, upset and bossy reaction was hiding something.  His parents weren’t blind to the struggle. Mom and Dad were loving. Both were tired. They were baffled. They were surviving.  Why was everything was such a big deal to him?

My work delved far deeper than parenting tips. The unique strategic plans targeted the most intense and repetitive encounters. My approach included precision family coaching: physical mannerisms, unique phrases, and timing tailored toward each person’s style. Together we crafted strategies for managing challenging behaviors that felt authentic, doable and respectful.

I empathized, encouraged and lovingly coached.  I worked with the parents and their child. My optimism and supportive approach allowed me to challenge each family member to make stretches. I applauded each success, either big or small successes as they grew. It was clear his success required me to train his teachers in more effective classroom strategies.  In a short amount of time, we were able to identify the source of the negative behaviors.

I discovered the real causes of his defiant behavior. This four-year-old boy had anxiety due to an extremely high IQ and impaired eye-hand coordination which required specialized therapy.

The school was wrong.

The parents weren’t at fault. Imagine what their child’s life would be like had they taken the director’s advice. Yelling, screaming, and punishments would have increased the behaviors thereby damaging their relationships.

Our collaboration shifted everyone’s approaches toward each other. Through empathy, encouragement, and risk-taking all members of the family grew empowered, created effective communication methods, and most of all stepped further away from anxiety.

I am passionate about the work I do. Each child and family is a complex puzzle which merits my methodical, empathic and tailored approach. 

There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.

You are not a bad mom!

You are not a bad dad!

If this case study strikes a cord, please schedule an Exploratory Call. I am here to help.

Passionately and empathically ready to serve you and your child,

Joshua