When Big was a toddler she would have fierce, explosive meltdowns on the way home from her grandparents. We live in Los Angeles so the commute was agonizing. Pulling over to sort the emotions out would land is in a new level of hell as the traffic would get worse, I’d get more tired and the baby would likely start losing it as well.
So the only choice was to push through and get home as soon as possible.
I would go down the list of strategies, but oftentimes nothing worked. Big was so upset. She could never find words. One day I realized this was our routine. As loud, sad, and stressful as it was, I had to surrender to the process.
On that ride, I started to tell her, “I don’t how to help, but we are together.
You can cry or be angry and we will be here with you. We are all together.”
I said this day after day.
***
One day I found myself cramping. The third child I was pregnant with was not to be. I pulled the three-year-old and the one-year-old in the bathroom with me as my miscarriage began. There was no time to call anyone. I just had to let nature take its course.
I took deep breathes and teared up as I sat on the toilet and Big looked into my eyes.
She reached out her hand and said, “It’s ok, Mami. We are together.”
The phrase I had repeated so many times during her darkest little kid moments emerged to save me.
She knew something overwhelming was happening and she knew just how to help.
I always cry when I remember this day.
The words you speak to your children MATTER.
Your intentions RESONATE.
The help you offer your child is the help they will offer you.
She and I knew there wasn’t a fix for either situation, but we knew we did have a connection.
Kids don’t need all situations fixed. They just need some empathy and acknowledgment. (Parents need the same thing.)
