Did I try everything? she asks herself as she stands at the front door.
She can feel the yell bubbling up inside her.
“Put your shoes on!”
Her heart is racing. She’s starting to feel hot. Her frustration is brewing.
“Why is this so difficult? We need to get to the store!” she says, but he isn’t listening. He is grabbing a toy and starting to play with it.
Her mind is racing…
“Is this hard?”
“Why isn’t he listening?”
“I’m starting to lose it.”
“I did try everything” and yet here we are again. He doesn’t care and I am about to lose it.
“Peter, put yours shoes on!”
And so it goes until she finally loses control. Lots of tears, screams, and threats until they are finally in the car.
Does this sound familiar? Have you tried everything and yelling the only way they will listen to you?
First of all, you are not alone. Many parents struggle with getting their children to listen.
Well first off children see time in a different way than we do. They don’t have the real-life pressures breathing down their throats.
Secondly, they don’t have worries, fears, timelines, and expectations dictating every part of their day. Only we adults do.
So even if you start off level-headed how is it that you can go from calm to yelling every day?
Well, there are simple things you do to sabotage your message to your child.
Yes, there are subtle habits that strip the effect your words have.
These habits are subtle so you don’t know that you are undermining your message and your authority.
They are the same habits that strip away your connection with your child.
Habits that create a mindset that works against you.
What remains is frustration, exhaustion, and stress. You try everything to remain level-headed, but as his defiance or indifference continues your volume rises.
You just want your child to listen.
Wanting consistent feedback when you speak.
To feel seen, heard, and appreciated.
I get it.
Tried everything? Did you know…
When you start yelling it causes the limbic system to kick in. This is the part of the brain that stores the “fight or flight response”. So your child is no longer thinking about shoes, he is thinking about survival.
What the heck?!?!
Yes, yelling at your kid forces them to go into survival mode so he will ignore you, become defiant or he will deem you unhinged.
It’s a terrible cycle.
Yelling leaves you further apart. Creating tension and harmful disconnect in your relationship.
He may get his shoes on but you both pay a high price for that action.
Did you know new research suggests that yelling at kids can be just as harmful as hitting them: in the two-year study, effects from harsh physical and verbal discipline were found to be frighteningly similar. A child who is yelled at is more likely to exhibit problem behavior, thereby eliciting more yelling.
Are you starting to see where yelling leads to?
Do you really try everything or has this become your go-to?
When yelling is your tool of choice, challenging behavior persists.
While this may feel sad or overwhelming to read there are effective tweaks you can make in your mindset and parenting style to communicate with your child.
I have created a Free Video Series for you as a way to begin to break the cycle.
What if you devoted 5 days to watch, 5 minute videos?
Are you ready to begin to break old habits and begin to enjoy your child more?
When you try everything but only yelling seems to work I invite you to give this a shot. Changing your overall approach enhances your child’s ability to listen and respond when you want him to.
Don’t wish for things to get better, choose to make them better!
You can create a communication style that works for both you and your child.
Get back to enjoying each other through respectful communication.
Why this video series?
My name is Joshua and I am Ask the Child Whisperer. My mission is to help families enjoy their children when challenging early childhood behavior occurs. In helping thousands of families I have discovered unique ways to shift a parents approach to create children who are better listeners and more connected family members.
The problem with traditional support is that it focuses on the child. After working with thousands of families I can tell you that there are adult mindsets that force you into the Yelling Cycle.
Trust me when I say there is a way to change things.