Child:
energizer bunny
talkative
imaginative
question filled
impatient
always thinking
always doing something
Time to put on shoes
Boy: Playing with cars in the living room
Parent attempt #1: (From kitchen) Hey, Buddy, put your shoes on. We have to leave.
Parent attempt #2: (Walks into the living room) Hey, Buddy, put your shoes on. We have to go.
Remember people are waiting for us and it is rude to be late. Sam is waiting to see you.
Parent attempt #3: (Walks over to boy) Didn’t you hear me? Stop playing. Go put on your shoes. We don’t have any more time for this.
Effective shifts in approach:
#1 Nicknames or terms of affection move anything you say to the SUGGESTION zone. I prefer you don’t use their name either, as using it when intense creates a negative cycle.
#2 Walking next to AND lightly touching your child’s hands will naturally require your child to look up and focus on what you are saying. This combination is a shortcut to calling their name over and over.
#3 Acknowledge the world you are disrupting. This nod toward your child’s efforts increases the likelihood of collaboration.
Wow! I can’t believe the truck is filling up at the gas station again.
Is the doll building the fort with the help of the elephants and dogs?
#4 Keep the instruction as brief as possible.
Parent: It’s time for shoes. I will sit here for this part.
In two short sentences, you have given all the necessary information. Immediate action is required. You are present to ensure it happens and will support it if needed.
*Multitasking when giving immediate action items shifts it to the SUGGESTION zone.
Are you wondering where the nicknames and lovey-dovey talk go? You can use them whenever there isn’t an immediate action item. Spicy kids, more often than not, misread communications when love talk, time management, and action items collide.
When we separate these themes, the expectation is made clear.
Remember to find a tiny moment of laughter in this chaotic ride of early childhood. For better or worse, you will be at this train stop for a brief moment in time.
Wondering how to use similar techniques with adults?The Best Ways to Deliver Clear and Concise Communicationby Kaja Perina.
Please reach out if you need tailored help for your extra spicy kid.
